That small act.

As we do in the evenings, I and my 9-year-old son were hanging out in our balcony enjoying the breeze with a steaming hot cup of tea. During lockdowns, the balconies have become the hangout places. 

Its a place where we as a family have a conversation. Share our view on whatever we can see outside. My son pointed out to a small cart that was selling vada pav, a snack people prefer in Maharashtra. Its a good tea time snack. However, there was not much of a crowd on the cart. The cart owner kept waiting for customers to come, prepared with all the necessary items required to cook spicy, hot vadas. 

My son asked me " Dad isn't there a lockdown? Why has he put up a stall now? We aren't eating anything prepared outside, No? " I said "yes, but there are many who can't cook at home, they can have their tea and snack outside. Hmm...but isn't this vada pav seller afraid of corona? he asked. That was a question, I found it very difficult to answer. I was wondering how do I tell him that not everyone is privileged to work from home. Everyone does not have a stable earning source. I told him " He can't sit at home, otherwise he will lose his customer and he won't have any money to survive."

"Hmmm...but what will he do now, the lockdown will start again from Monday and he won't be able to sell during those days?" said my son. I realized that it was a Saturday and from Monday onwards the lockdown was being implemented again because of a spike in the number of corona cases. I couldn't answer anything, but I saw my son murmuring something with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes after some time and smiled at me. I asked him what happened? What were you doing?

He said, "I was praying, I prayed to the god that the vada pav seller should have so many customers in these 2 days and they give him so much of money that he can survive the lockdown".

I was speechless. He smiled again and went inside. What he demonstrated was the innocence, common sense, empathy & kindness that is missing in us, the grown-ups. Our hearts are shrinking and we are becoming self-centered. We have forgotten the basics of being a human. I don't know if the vada pav seller had many customers, neither did my son again enquired about him. As if he did his karma and left it to the god

As we grow up our artificial intelligence takes over emotional intelligence. In such testing times, certainly what we all need is care, respect, and love for each other to sail through. My son just taught that important lesson through his small act of kindness.

Removing Communication Barriers...

How do Physical environmental barriers affect the communication process?

 

Most of us wonder how the relationships are messed up because our message does not reach the receiver properly. After that, we have to explain and clarify our position to resolve the conflicts. Have we ever thought of working on removing the barriers first can help us avoid the conflicts? 

 

What are the physical barriers in communication and what are the ways to overcome them:

  

 

Environment: This can be termed as the environment at the workplace, and outside the workplace. The workplace environment can include the psychological and emotional environment, which can be affected by the emotional bond among the team members. Do they trust each other, like each other, have confidence in each other, and respect each other or not? if they do the communication will be open, healthy, and clear. Now imagine just the opposite, the communication will be poor, rare, and always tensed. Now, let us talk about the physical environment if there is too much noise, chaos, the communication won't be smooth. It will create misunderstandings. That's why official meetings are always conducted in calm and silent spaces like conference rooms etc.

Distance: Here it implies physical distance. This is the reason why one must have observed that the plant layout is always in a specific way, the tool room, first aid, stores, and spares are near the shop floor. The top management is on the same floor and the cabins of associates and secretarial staff are nearby. This helps to connect physically either by walking up to the other person or through intercoms etc. These days this barrier lost much of significance due to internet connectivity, yet it has to be considered where physical mobilization is a must.

Mode of communication: How do you communicate is equally important as what and why do you communicate. These days when we are communicating through the web for eg on zoom calls, skype, mobile phones, it is important to ensure these mediums have seamless connectivity.

Ultimately one should remember the following to have a smooth communication:

 

Choose a quiet place to communicate.

Choose an easy and clear language to communicate, avoid jargon.

Be a good listener.

Don't be judgemental or prejudiced.

Be calm and composed while communicating. Think and speak.

Communication is a tricky business, if handled well, it can create great synergy and collaboration. But if it is messed up, it can turn relationships into a disaster.

To Be or To Do?

 

Which question, has troubled us since we were a child? What do you want to be when you grow up? isn't it? I always wanted to skip this question for a simple reason, I didn't have an answer. Then the parents started to answer for me, “He wants to be an engineer and then pursue IAS…I always saw my parents in amusement, When did I decide that?

 Most of us have gone through this situation numerous times. It is too late by the time we realize that the answer to the question. What we wanted to be was what our elders wanted us to. It was the burden of their unfulfilled dream which we carried. This is the reason why most people even after being in the best of the positions and companies, don’t seem content and happy with what they are. The dream they are living in is actually somebody else’s. They are under tremendous peer and social pressure to be somebody. This continues through a large part of his professional life as well.

The times have changed now and the roles have been switched, but the question hasn't changed. Now we ask the children, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up? and bang…comes the answer from the parents, Engineer, Doctor, CA, Pilot, etc. The child has the same confused expression on his face, he is wondering what are these elders talking about? his parents & elders want him to take up a profession, he can't even spell. In my opinion, we are putting our children in a spot by asking the wrong question.

 While it is understandable that the parents would like their children to have a great life, but in the process what they are doing is putting him in an alien space. As he grows he tries to be what he naturally does not want to be. He imitates and loses his originality and finally his purpose. He is simply doing something, which is not his inner calling. Most professional fatigues and boredom are a result of this. So what should we do?

 

Ask the right question:

The right question to ask will be “What do you want to do? or What do you like doing? Now imagine what kind of answers you will get, Eg. I like to play, I like to make things, I like to act, I like to dance, I like to sing, I like to paint, I like to study, I like to read. Here is where we shall discover their inner calling. This may sound too early if the kids are small, however, It would still be better than seeing the blank or confused faces of kids when we ask them, What do you want to be?

It is very much possible, that the child might lose interest in doing what he liked in the past, its ok, as its human nature to explore as they grow. As elders, our question should not change. Keep asking in a friendly and supportive tone, What do you want to do? or What do you like doing? you may find different answers now.

It is also possible that the child, after being grown up may get more confused as he is seeing his friends exploring and doing different stuff, yet I will recommend as elders, we must assume the role of mentor and help them explore more by asking the same question 'What do you want to do? with a thrust on "You". This process of asking the question should continue throughout, even with self.

 

To conclude, if we want our children to have a more content and fulfilling life, help them find their purpose. If they don't have one, help them find one by asking the question what do you want to do? Encourage him to 'Do' something worthwhile instead of chasing to 'Be' someone else. If we see the most successful people around, we will find, all of them wanted to do something worthwhile, and in the process, they all became bigger. The right purpose and objective with the amalgamation of the right process will make a difference. Help yourself your children, and friends, find their purpose today.

Leadership Starts at Home

Leadership is a quality possessed by individuals and should be demonstrated at all places and most of the time. It’s not an attribute that switches on when we are at work place, a social gathering, professional activity outside our homes, and switches off once we are back home.

Let us observe our behavior at homes, we take our people for granted, and don’t pay heed to them. Appreciation for their effort is less, they have to ask for it most of the time. The family gossips and criticisms gets better of us and we indulge in it without thinking that it indicates at our biases, favoritism, lack of understanding, or willingness to understand the other members of the family. I believe the first place we should learn and demonstrate our leadership qualities is home. This article will focus on what I have learned about leadership at my home. As a parent, son or husband this approach of conscious effort to practice leadership has brought about a huge change.

One day I observed some markings on my wall calendar. These pencil markings were made on Saturday and Sunday throughout the month. Alphabet ‘C’ was written in a bold manner on these days of the calendar. I wondered and asked my wife about those markings, hoping an answer that she must have made note of some of her special events/activities. She told me it was not her, but my 7-year old son who has made note of his chess classes on those days. I realized one very important thing that day. Your children and other younger family members follow what you do. You unknowingly are setting examples for your younger ones. This made me realize that we should behave & conduct responsibly, since we are leading by example.

How many of us realize the importance of timely appreciation and feedback. When it comes to our workplace, business relationship, HR practices, we frequently practice this, as we want to motivate, encourage, and improve the ones associated with us. We do it sometimes voluntarily and sometimes as team leaders since its part of our KRA. I have frequently heard these statements that we don’t appreciate the efforts and hard work of women in house, either mother, sister, or wife. We miss out appreciating their efforts to cook excellent dishes, to keep the house in order, their contribution to our household finances, teaching kids. I learned that even our folks at home seek regular appreciation and feedback for their contribution. Once a timely appreciation, which I gave to my wife has since helped her improve upon many aspects of her personality. I too make it a point to receive the feedback. To be an effective leader, one must know when and how to give and receive feedback, and also to appreciate and motivate timely.

Listening is an art and should be practiced by leaders to show empathy and tolerance towards their teams. This is taught in most leadership workshops to corporate executives in order to help them understand the importance of brainstorming and find a solution to a problem democratically. The same executive can embrace this important quality of listening in his life, and not only effectively handle teams but also his parents, siblings, and others, who continuously seek someone who can hear them out and help resolve some of the other conflicts or problems in their lives. I ensure that I listen attentively to my people at home. Encourage them to speak and share, so that I can make them feel attended. I have learned never to avoid questions of my kid, how so ever non-sensible they sound, this encourages him to have an open conversation with me and his mother. He shares about the challenges he faces at school, hobby class, or while playing with his friends in the society. We also get to learn about the things troubling him or make him happy. This one habit has enabled and developed immense trust among the family members. Listening is that one leadership quality if used well can iron out differences and strengthen bonds among people.

Leadership is a phenomenon that should be demonstrated all the time, irrespective of the role, place, and situation one is in. To make it part of our behavior, we must strive to work hard upon it, for that we should remember, Leadership Starts at Home.  

The Creative Conclusion

"Hold on papa...i did not like the end. Let me change it." said my 9-year-old, when I asked him to narrate the story of The Snake and Herons. I was going by the book correcting him through the narration.

 

The actual story ends with the mongoose who had killed the snake, eats up heron's chicks too. Herons had lured the mongoose to their tree, in order to kill the snake, who preyed on the heron's chicks, and was a constant threat to them.

 

 

 

 

The kid changed the end like this:

 

The Mongoose kills the snake and makes a deal with the Herons, that they will provide him with fresh fishes daily and he will protect the tree and chicks when they are out to find the food. The Herons and Mongoose become friends eventually, after a year they celebrated the chick's birthday together, and live happily ever after.

 

World of grown-ups and kids are different. The original story was written by a grown-up, the kid changed it. An Open mind saw possibilities and challenged the norm. Creativity challenged preordination.

 

We too have stories in our lives, we may not have started, but we can definitely choose how it concludes. An Open mind & creativity is what is required.

 

How will you conclude the story?

The Misinformation Warfare

It was in Mahabharata war that Guru Drona, who was fighting from Kaurava's army, was proving to be a tough contender for Pandavas, after all, he was the formidable warrior, Guru, Who had imparted all the key skills of warfare among Pandavas and Kauravas. 

To get over the challenge Lord Krishna suggested a way to get rid of Drona. Since Drona possessed immense powers and knowledge of weapons, only Arjun, who was his favorite student and prodigy, can defeat him. However, Arjuna could only do it if Guru Drona was unarmed. 

Lord Krishna suggested, the only way to overpower Drona was that if he is told that his dear son Ashwathhama, who was also participating in Mahabharata, was dead. Hearing this Drona would go weak and will either give up fighting or commit a mistake and then Arjuna will be able to kill him. The plan was communicated to Pandavas, however, Arjuna declined to use unfair means to kill Drona. In a war between right and wrong, to establish truth and dharma, it was important to kill Drona. 

Lord Krishna convinced the Pandavas to kill an elephant who was the namesake of Guru Drona’s son Ashwathhama and announce the news of his death in the war, such that Guru Drone listens to it. The person who was assigned to communicate the news was Yudhishtir. Yushishtir had a reputation of a just person who never lied. Even the enemies swore of his just nature.

 As per the plan, Bhima killed the elephant and Yudhishtir announced “Aswathhama Hatha (and then he murmured) iti Narova Kunjarova”, meaning Ashwathhama is dead, not sure if its elephant or a man. Hearing this Drona was grief-stricken and gave up the fight. That was the moment when Arjuna killed Guru Drona. 

I find this story very relevant even today. Only the characters have changed and now Mahabharath is Information warfare. The recent example is a kind of messages floated on social media channels like FB, WA, Twitter, etc created a vicious social environment after implementation of CAA, followed by Delhi Riots and spread of Corona Virus pandemic. I was surprised to see some extremely misleading information circulated about these very sensitive topics to provoke people. This information was spread by some very educated and qualified people like people of repute on one hand to the students of reputed universities. However, the difference was that it was nowhere a dharma yuddha (battle to establish truth & justice) they were fighting. What they spread was absolutely false. 

Many worked with an agenda to bring the government of the day on knees because of ideological reasons or their allegiance to other political ideologies. The medium of social media was used extensively to fan emotions that resulted in creating confusion and chaos. The same goes for spreading the news about the coronavirus pandemic. Most of us fall prey to news as Guru Drona did. SM has given us immense power, which enables us to transmit anything from one corner of the world to the other corner in seconds, what’s dangerous is that it’s been done in a most irresponsible manner by the people blinded with their religious and political prejudice or beliefs. 

I read a post on FB which implied misusing public money by governments and so leaving less of it for stimulus to safeguard the economy from COVID 19 risk. Other posts backing & praising a nation famous for its expansionist attitude. The post was malicious, misleading, and a propaganda piece as the author had no way to substantiate his claim. This post didn’t even qualify as a joke or a satire. It was a bad joke if the author of the post intended to make one. 

So, what should one do to ensure we prevent ourselves from falling prey to such propaganda? I will suggest some simple measures. 

Caution: I would analyze a post on the basis of the following: Messenger: Observe, who has posted the message? Is he/she an expert on the matter? Does he/she have an understanding of the subject? It too can be very misleading as a lot of educated people give in to the false news and react. This can be because they know the person, his educational background, or simply because he/she is posting something which you too believe in. for me even if all of the above is true about the messenger, I would love to reason and identify the real source. Even if it’s Yudhishtir, I would not give him benefit of doubt before verifying.

Message: What is the message? I observe the claims being made in the message. Does it sound realistic? Is there anything available which substantiate the information? Where is it emerging from? I would also read the message between the lines to understand the hidden/implicit message in it. A lot of messages like Garlic cures COVID19 or the certain murder/lynching was due to racist/casteist bias etc may harm more if believed. Just because the message is coming from someone we know should not be trusted or believed.

Receiver: The third aspect is the intended receiver. In Mahabharata, the message was for Guru Drona, since it had an emotional appeal for him. It was about his son and it actually did the effect. Let’s figure out if we are the target audience of the message and what action the message is expecting us to take? 

Why not ignore the message which sounds misleading instead of reacting to it and getting into a tussle with the transmitters? By paying attention to such propaganda and reacting to it we would actually help it spread. 

In this information Mahabharata, where there are portals which project themselves as neutral but work on a certain agenda, there are fake accounts which incite emotions, there are the well-qualified individual who misuses their qualification, social image to spread false news, we must not allow ourselves to be a Drona - the victim of information warfare, because the one decimating the information too is not a Yudhishtira – the warrior of truth. First, think and then react